


Shattered Green

by ItaloCalisto



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics), Red Hood: Lost Days
Genre: Character Death, Jason Todd Deserves Better, Jason Todd Has Issues, Jason Todd-centric, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:27:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29850492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItaloCalisto/pseuds/ItaloCalisto
Summary: Jason is tired of the green. He decides to end this.English is not my first language. Sorry for any mistakes.I definitely don't know how to make a synopsis.
Relationships: Batfamily Members & Jason Todd
Comments: 8
Kudos: 61





	Shattered Green

**Author's Note:**

> This story stayed in my head for many days. until I decided to write it. It's my first fic so I'm sorry if I don't have a very good one.  
> This story is basically my thoughts.  
> Good reading.

**Shattered Green**

Tired out.

Exhausted.

Shattered.

That was how I felt.

Tired of fighting for Gotham.

Exhausted from fighting for a place in a family that doesn't accept me.

Shattered by the green.

That damn green.

That clouds my eyes, dulls my thoughts and feeds my anger.

Maybe it's my fault.

I did not ask to die, nor to be reborn, much less to be placed in a green well of anger.

So why did this happen to me? Hadn't he already suffered too much?

Mistreated and ignored by my birth parents, welcomed by Bruce just to be compared to the golden boy.

The golden boy who hated me. Hated me for being Robin. And he didn't even hide it.

Betrayed by who I later discovered to be my birth mother.

Tied, beaten and killed by the Joker.

I woke up in my coffin, fought and won my way out of the grave.

I was rescued by Thalia and then I was placed in a well in an attempt to revive my catatonic brain.

What came after so much pain? More pain. More suffering. More disappointments.

Discovering that Bruce replaced him with Tim 6 months after his death, discovering that Dick loved the boy, discovering that the joker was still alive only served to further fragment my thoughts and then came green.

Today I regret what I had done, at least some things, like the attack on Tim. The boy didn't really deserve that.

But it was so easy to give in to the temptation of green, of anger, of hatred.

I understand what I did, I know the consequences, I remember everything.

I tried to walk the line for a while, but what did you get? Crumbs of affection? A one-way ticket to Arkham? The lack of invitations to celebrations? Bruce's disgusted look in my direction?

Dick acts like he's the best brother in the world. As if he hadn't been the one who threw me into a cell a few feet from my killer's.

Tim can barely look him in the eye. I really don't blame him for that.

Damian doesn’t spare the razors that come out of his mouth towards me, telling me how unwelcome I am in the family.

Alfred ... Maybe he missed me. The only person in that family who accepted me even though I was a street rat. He took me in and held out his hand to me like no one else did.

He was the only person I really missed. I just wanted him to take care of my injuries like he did. Give me a cup of tea when I have nightmares.

But we cannot have what we want.

The Red hood has not appeared for some time. But how will it appear if I can barely keep my eyes open?

My whole body ached as if I had been beaten again by the league of assassins. My treacherous mind going over the times that I was humiliated and abused by those who claim to be my family. And how can you still have the courage to say that they are happy to see me alive if every time we see each other they are trying to arrest me and throw me in the madhouse again?

Green swims in my eyes. But even that doesn't give me the strength to get up.

The bathtub is full. The water is dripping.

I think it is better to get rid of everyone's life once and for all. After all, I'm just a ghost from the past.

Next to the bathtub are all the bottles of pills I had in that safe house.

The water continues to overflow.

I stare at the bathroom ceiling. I'm so tired.

Who will find my body? Will they cremate it so I can’t go back again? The thought comforts me.

Imagine if They could see me now. The great Red Hood, One of the league's biggest killers, crime boss, ex-robin, lying in a bathtub with several pills in one hand and a razor in the other.

The water continues to overflow.

I remember when I started with the cuts on my skin. The relief it brought.

Because of Lázaro, the healing process is more advanced, so I started to cut harder and deeper.

The trembling green. He always calmed down when the blood ran. I passed out and woke up healed.

I have lost count of how many times I cut my wrists, arms, thighs, even ankles. Only to wake up in a pool of blood with closed wounds.

It's not like anyone is going to notice.

The water continues to overflow.

With a last (I hope) sigh I take the pills to my mouth and swallow 2 in 2. I lose count after 16.

The feeling of peace is numbing. I had never felt such peace before. Perhaps on nights when my mother was lucid enough to remember me, or on nights when I had nightmares and ended up sleeping with Bruce.

My hands are shaking. I take the razor to my left wrist and cut.

The green is stirring inside me. Probably fighting injuries.

I see my blood dripping and dripping into the bathtub. After the 5th cut I fade, how many have already been? I do not know.

The pain fades from my body as my blood flows. Is that peace?

I sink the razor in my thigh. The sensation is so pleasurable that I can't catch the moan that echoes through the bathroom.

I can't remember how many cuts I made before going to the other thigh. The feeling of peace ran through my body just like the green ran when I left the pit of Lazarus.

Black spots flowed into my eyes. It felt like a dance, a battle.

Green and black.

I took the razor to my right wrist.

The previously transparent water ran red through the bathtub to the floor. It looked like the blood pools of the people I killed.

It would be easier, with just one shot I could have ended it.

But I would not feel that overwhelming peace that I feel now.

I see drops in the water. I realized late that it was tears.

Tears of pain.

Tears of tiredness.

Tears of peace.

Tears of green.

My body itches. Lazarus is trying to heal me. But I think it is a futile effort.

Memories of a lifetime run through my brain. But that life never existed.

A street boy.

A beloved son.

A big brother.

A proud grandson.

A hero.

A Robin.

Green is losing its battle to black. But he embraces me, welcomes me, comforts me, calms me down.

I close my eyes.

A smile sparkles on my lips.

Rest.

Peace.

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed. As I said in the opening notes, this is my first fic.  
> I'm addicted to Jason Todd, for me he is the best character in DC, and I think it's a shame what they are doing with him.  
> After reading a lot of fics and facts about him, this idea stayed in my head until I got up my courage and wrote.  
> That's it. I hope you enjoyed it, let me know if you have any criticisms.


End file.
